Paul Watson, PIRATE FOR THE SEA

Today Eric Funk and I watched PIRATE FOR THE SEA, a documentary about Paul Watson of Sea Shepherd, at the Durango Independent Film Festival. When we emerged, we had difficulty speaking. We both felt a need to vow to do something in life that would truly make a difference. Voicing failed; we wrote things down.

At some point in our adult lives, we accept that it’s enough to do the small things, not to do the big things. For some of us it is NOT enough, and sometimes, rarely, we are faced with a reminder of this, and that is a gift. We must not ignore the calling but etch it on heart and soul and spirit. Some people believe they long for a small thing (for a lifetime partner, for instance), even obsess over it, and overwriting, never recognizing, never seeing through its disguise for the hunger of spirit for the BIG thing. To do the big thing is to entirely, actively, be one’s self. It’s not enough for this to be philosophy. It is integrity and must be lived.

To witness Paul Watson is to feel the grief of unpassed boundaries, of the accepting of limits within one’s self. To ignore or soothe this ache is to call it acceptable and die with it. Eric says, “If you can figure that out, you can enjoy the small things more.”

Excuses for doing only the small: I’m too tired, too old, too busy, too crazy, too obligated—especially the last. Eric has been thinking on Matthew 25:14, the Parable of the Talents. The person who risks everything, using all he has been given, is most abundantly rewarded. No one loses anything but the person who risks nothing he has been given.

This was the most life-changing film I’ve ever seen.

thoughts on Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys

After Thanksgiving dinner at a friends house, I talked three other Baby Boomers into watching the DVD RUDOLPH AND THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS. Sometimes I think someone should write a post-doctoral thesis on this film. Or maybe just a quick article for a writer's magazine, explaining how the story follows The Hero's Journey.

While trying to find the above picture on line, I read all kinds of analysis of this great animated classic, based on burning questions about why the doll on the Island of Misfit Toys is a misfit and whether Hermie is gay. These things are not the point!

First, male offspring born into ordinary world (well--ordinary for him). Has an unusual trait which makes him an object of ridicule. Meets a female operating on a transcendent spiritual plane who sees his nonconformity as a plus. Her father divides them. Rudolph runs away and meets up with another misfit, Herbie the elf, who doesn't like to make toys and wants to be a dentist. They fall in with Yukon Cornelius, a miner with an unusual dog team. Rudolph visits the non-ordinary world, the Island of Misfit Toys, learns that he can't run away from his problems, and returns to the ordinary world with his message. And so on. . . .

In any case, like the classic first STAR WARS, this script is loaded with excellent dialogue. Herbie describing himself as "just not happy in my work." The coach of the reindeer games who declares, "From now on, we won't let Rudolph join in . . ." Herbie, upon meeting Rudolph and hearing his story: "Hey, what do you say we both be independent together?" And later: "It's the Abominable. He sees your nose. Quick! Douse the light!" Meanwhile, when Rudolph's mother wants to go look for her son, his father says, "No. This is man's work."

What more could anyone want? For Rudolph to continue to be a polite young reindeer. When Santa asks him to guide his sleigh, Rudolph doesn't just say yes. He says, "It will be an honor, sir."

Dolores La Chapelle

More than a year and a half has passed since my friend Dolores died. I keep wanting to have conversations with her--the kind where she brings out something she has just read to show me, the column in THE NEW YORKER she wants me to read, the kind of time together where, when it's time to part, we're already talking about what we'll do next time, and she says, "There are so many things to do." Poems to discuss and copy down, customs of other countries to enthuse about, walks to take, nettles to cut and brew. There is really an ache inside me where she was. Some days I wake and she's alive inside me, and I'm devouring new reading, new thoughts, but I still want to talk to someone about these things, and that person is her.

What would we talk about today, Dolores? This book I'm reading called WOMEN OF THE LIGHT: THE NEW SACRED PROSTITUTE by Kenneth Ray Stubbs, the idea of prostitutes as offerers of compassion. You and I went to THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES together. We talked about our birth experiences on the way home. Before the play, you showed me pictures of Sheila na Gigs on Irish churches in your large book about Ireland. I had a Sheila na Gig in my home, and I gave it to you for your 80th birthday. I could only have given it to someone I really love and admire. I would also talk to you about TECHNICIANS OF ECSTASY by Mark Levy, which I'm reading for the third time. I would talk about the shamanic trance and writing. But what I miss is what YOU would say. You would say things I hadn't thought about before, show me something I've never seen.

We would walk in Cunningham Gulch and listen to the water and shout at each other, both of us hard of hearing. But the water speaks clearly. In the car on the way and way back, Gudrun would kiss you. Eldar and I would show you his Drop on Command, and you'd be impressed all over again, with him.

dance troupe

Chirs has named her over all dance company Tallulah, which means "leaping water" in Choctaw. AND, she's named us, her troupe, Caldera, which was also the name of the fire-dancing troupe in GOOD WITH CHILDREN. I love this. We danced for three hours last night.

my favorite photographer

John Matsko took this photo of me last summer. A great day; we visited with two shepherds from Peru. We admired each others' dogs and took photos together. Some of the shepherds' dogs are incredible. Once, my German shepherds met a Great Pyranees (sp?) looking after a flock of sheep. No aggression between any of the dogs--on the contrary, a friendly meeting--but I think that big white dog told my two to keep away from the sheep, because that's what they did.

dance troupe

Bellydance catapulted me into mood stratospheres. We all danced with Ismail during Jam, trading him around. He was sociable, no ball python neuroses, and I thank him and girl dancer goddess friends. Next week, maybe Laka will have shed and will join us. She likes to dance, is also mobile, comfortable, social . . . Her photo above.

and performing circus

Wrote today on my next Harlequin Superromance Everlasting Love, very romantic and full of DOGS. The heroine dumps her fiance because he raises Norfolk Terriers and she has German Shepherd Dogs. Just kidding. It's because she's in love with the hero, of course, and has been since she first noticed boys.

I'm really happy with positive words about HOLDING THE BABY, my October Harlequin American.

Enough work. I'm learning to spin poi, using practice poi and some excellent ones with LEDs. Also, have a flowstaff and practice with that, combining these things with bellydance. Laka (spider ball python) is great dance partner, beautiful and teaching me how to move. Hadi's pretty shy these days, not keen to dance, would prefer to tie himself in a knot. More socialization necessary.